i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
