In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
