I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
