Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
