Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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