I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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