Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
