he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
