Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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