hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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