i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
