I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
