we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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