the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
