it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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