There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
