i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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