have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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