note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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