I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
