It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize