Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is it penis luge time yet?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
