M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
