Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
