remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
