I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
