BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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