Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
