Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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