Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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