Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
