I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
