I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
