i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
