I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
