On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
