Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
And then he peed in my hair
Idk if I want to put a bra on
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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