Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
