Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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