My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
time to smoke my breakfast
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
