Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
