so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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