Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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