she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
