It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
