it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
