She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
