This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
