Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
