last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
