omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
