i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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