I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The Olympian is in my bed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
