this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
