We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
