Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
