Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
