I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
