no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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