Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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