also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
