my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
