So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
