I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize