Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
