when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize