CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
