I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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