I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
