I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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