piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
