Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
