When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
