in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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