So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
