he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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