And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
