Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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