my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
