how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you would pick up someone in the library
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
