If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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