Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
