that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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