My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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