Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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