I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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