i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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