Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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