Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She even gives head with a lisp.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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