My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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