I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
