Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
