I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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