do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
