Joe is yelling at the trees again.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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