Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
