omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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