TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
