My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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