Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
