I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
