Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
