I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
