my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
