lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
