ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
