If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
