Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
