I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
