yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
