it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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